When you think of Gloucester City and local derbies there's only one team that comes to mind, and it isn't Cirencester Town. But what with the way that football in the county has panned out over the last decade or so it's the Centurians that have become our traditional opponents on the Christmas and Easter Bank Holidays.

So, with derby games you generally expect finesse to go out of the window and will to win to replace it, but sadly there was very little evidence of either in this lifeless affair so as you can imagine it's rather hard to paint a grammatical picture of the event and even harder to read about it. For those wishing to give it all a miss, click here. Otherwise, read on ...

Although, having now had the benefit of reading three alternative accounts of the 'entertainment' I'll give it a go.

Following on from the superb victory at Halesowen two days earlier Chris Burns made a number of changes to his team, both in the personnel and positional sense. Lee Smith dropped back to his favoured wing back role and his place up front was taken surprisingly by Adie Harris whilst Tom Webb saw his ever present record shattered as he was dropped to the bench to give Keith Knight a start against one of his (many) former clubs.

The Centurians, led by former City boss Brian Hughes included three ex-Tigers in their squad. Alan Bird was a twenty quid a week right back under John Murphy whilst Paul Hunt had played a handful of games in about twice as many positions when Hughes jointly held the reigns with Gary Goodwin after Brian Godfrey had been sacked for the second time in 1993. Also featured was Adam Howarth, a non-playing substitute who spent the whole game sat on the bench asking his teammates "Do you know who I am?"

The remaining thirteen dressed in the girly light blue kits included former Bath shot stopper Mark Bryant, ex-Swindon Town centre half Adie Viveash, experienced and highly regarded defender Darren Robison (who never has a bad game against City) and former City Youth striker Jody Bevan.

The higher than average crowd must've been swelled by the away fans making the short trip up the A417, a journey so short that you could almost walk it. In fact my elder brother Steve once started out on such an expedition following a pre-season friendly at Ciren's old ground when he decided to kick my car, so I decided to kick the penniless knob out to make his own way home. When the old man got home he jumped straight in his own car and went to pick him up, and apparently our Steve was never more pleased to see him when their paths crossed near Daglingworth!

Those Ciren fans that did make it were in awe of the roof over both the T-End and the side terrace, the likes of which many had never seen before. One young fan was hear to say to his father "What is it Pa?", to which the elder of the pair replied "I'll be danged if I know son".

Now it's time to get onto the main event.

Sorry.

Burnsy's experimental team struggled to find a way through the solid Cirencester backline and the high balls upfield towards both Daryl Addis and Harris were easy meat for Viveash, Robison and Marc Richards. But the team from the Cotswold market town offered nothing in attack and City were forced to dictate the play, something they'd normally prefer their opponents to do.

The Tigers' main threat came through Smith on the right wing. One foray forward saw him make room and shoot from outside the box although it seems that the longer he takes to fire the less chance he has of scoring as both of his recent successes from distance have come from first time strikes.

Another run by the wing back was illegally brought to an end by Viveash, a player who spent that long in Swindon's reserve team that he must by the all time appearance record holder. The free kick was easily cleared but only as far as Chris Thompson, today at left wing back, before being returned into the danger area via Burns and Harris but Thommo wasn't quick enough to the through pass as Bryant smothered the ball before he could touch it past him.

Now halfway through the first half and with chances few and far between Lee Smith went against the grain to provide the match with it's one and only skillspot. After Knight's corner was headed clear by one of the Ciren Goliaths the City number two lashed in a full on volley that would've found the top right hand corner had Bryant not flung himself across his goal to pull off a save that he'll tell his grandkids about in years to come.

The first of the games seven bookings came after Shaun Wimble had kept the ball in to prevent a City throw but hadn't bargained on Smith ghosting in to profit from his agility. Wimble's desperate attempt to win the ball back saw him bring the City man down and the referee waved his yellow card.

Ciren's Gareth Hopkins drew first blood, literally, as he left the field with a nosebleed and came back a few minutes later wearing the number fourteen shirt and about half a sheet of bog roll stuffed up his nostril. This actually happened without me seeing and it took me an age to work out when they'd made a substitution and how Paul Hunt had grown a foot taller.

Daryl Addis became the second name in the book when he was adjudged to have dived in the area. Having not been awarded a spot kick since October City hopes were raised as the talented striker went down following a tangle with Alan Bird and the referee blew up but those hopes were dashed when he pointed the wrong way and awarded a free kick to Hughes' team.

Whether the City man was fouled or not is unclear as my view was blocked but I feel that unless they 'ask' for a penalty players shouldn't be booked.

Having survived a potential scare Cirencester realised that they were in a game and actually formed an attack of note which saw a shot bend inches wide of the far post when it looked as though it was going in all the way. I like those when they happen to the other team!

But the last act of note for the first half came from Lyndon Tompkins as he picked up a booking for blocking off a Wimble move up the wing. I bet Les Dennis wishes he was booked as often as Lyndon.

Burns tried to breath some life into the game during the interval with the introduction of Webb for the largely anonymous Knight. Webby would have been disappointed to lose his 'ever-present' tag and the way he started the second half made him look a different player to the one that has flattered to deceive over recent weeks.

The Gaffer himself came closest to breaking the deadlock when a free kick found it's way to him on the edge of the Cirencester penalty box but his shot went the wrong side of Bryant's upright. But the Tigers were caught out slightly at the back and a counter attack saw a race for a diagonal ball between Chris Thompson and Ben Fitch with the latter getting there just ahead of the yellow's slide. Out came the card again.

Jody Bevan's number was up as he was replaced by Scott Griffin up front for the Centurians and the move almost paid off immediately as the one time City target met a cross and looped a header beyond Matt Bath and thankfully beyond his far post.

Another change for City as an injury brought Dave Wilkinson's game to a premature end but it hadn't been one of his best and it provided young striker Andy Varnham with a good half hour to get some experience which many hope he'll have the chance to build on next year. However his introduction came at a cost, meaning that Burns had to reshuffle his pack yet again with Harris going to the left to make room up front.

The game needed to be sparked into life and as if by magic the shopkeeper appeared, erm, I mean, it happened. The dangerous Fitch made another break down the left wing but his progress was halted by a Mustoe 'tackle' on the edge of the box. The Ciren man went over as if he was diving into a swimming pool, the ref pointed to the spot and Burns and Mustoe went nuts.

The City players surrounded both officials involved in the decision and eventually got the ref to speak to his assistant before pulling the set piece back and turning it into a free kick on the edge of the box. The sad thing was that the linesman knew all along that the foul took place all along and if he wasn't pressed then would've kept schtum leaving the opposition to profit from a penalty kick that they did not deserve.

At last some luck for the Tigers and it seemed to continue as the free kick was fired into the City wall where Ciren midfielder Shaun Wimble swore blind that it struck an arm. He continued to swear in protest at the linesman labelling him a 'f*cking cheat', an action that most officals usually respond to with a red card but the linesman only had eyes for City's Neil Griffiths and flagged to grass him up to the ref, who booked him for thumping Scott Griffin (according to the Cirencester view).

Back to the football and City looked to break away through Addis but the Forester was abandoned alone with no help and by the time it did arrive the big, bad defenders weren't far behind. Not so big and not so bad but City's Griffths made way for Marvin Thompson to keep Griffin company.

Just like every week has a Wednesday, every City match has a booking for Neil Mustoe and the Captain didn't disappoint when he gave Darren Robison a close up view of terra firma. Whilst he was down there the Ciren skipper had a quick look for the 'n' that he'd dropped out of his surname but couldn't find it.

If bookings were goals then we'd have been well entertained as it became 5-2 to City when cumbersome striker Gareth Hopkins earned a caution for his trip on Lee Smith. From the free kick Smith fed Tom Webb down near the goalline and after beating the defender the substitute cut back a delightful pass for Thommo, who with the goal at his mercy managed to scoop the ball over the bar. That was Chris' second miss from virtually the same spot in the last two games at Meadow Park.

Hopkins finished the game on the bench for Ciren as he was replaced by Steve Cook and I'm sure that he was pleased not to have had his name stamped over the full ninety minutes of this mediocrity.

Thommo strode forward trying to make amends for his embarrasing miss but was sent tumbling by a perfectly executed trip from Robison. Mustoe lined up the free kick and as if to sum the game up with one swing of the leg sent his set piece plumb into the first defender.

The game was heading into injury time and the crowd was flocking to the exit safely in the knowledge that there was no more chance of the game producing a goal now than there had been for the last eighty-nine minutes. The extra period was that bad it's best described as tasting like a weak glass of orange squash diluted for a second time.

And that was it. Thanks to those folks that sat through this tripe, not only on the day but also here and if you were one of those that clicked through to this point, I don't blame you!